That's more than achievable. Regrettably, fairytales were also how we girls processed things when it was just us and the abyss watching us. Fairytales and rhymes...prettier things.
[Even if Lavi is already gone, she's sharing a little bit about herself in a way that she hasn't really with him before, in a way that seems like a slightly deeper layer, even if it isn't very detailed. Maybe it also helps to established how resonantly (and terribly, uncomfortably) familiar some of this is to her.]
How grotesque to be living one of someone else's fantasies...but perhaps that works, as a shared language?
[ lavi may be gone, but everything that she tells him won't be forgotten by him; this place has taken his memories of himself away. he'll remember her for her if she needed someone—whether she acknowledges that or not. it's duty to record what he sees. ]
Aren't most fairytales and rhymes dressed up ways to tell children what they should and shouldn't do or what happens to bad kids if they didn't listen anyway?
[ which...probably isn't the right thing to say but he'll quickly move beyond that with what is more important to all parties involved. ]
I'll do my best to make sure that we don't have to spent too much time talking around circles or digging up painful memories. Should we start at the part where our feelings differ?
We wrote our own. And it's all right. I'd almost prefer that you did because you would be capable of doing so. [But he is not, her words imply, which should be explanation enough.]
So please, there's no need to worry about causing me grief. Let's begin.
[ look, sometimes he says all of the wrong things despite knowing so many things. social graces are some of his major failings... but yes!! let's start. shadowman lavi will set up a scene for cantarella—like one of those pop up shadow box theaters.
on the stage will be lavi himself as he changes into various "costumes" to represent the parts of the "story" he lays out for her. his shadow chained to a large ball behind bars to represent the prisoner, his shadow suddenly sitting at a desk with a feather pen scribbling on a desk, and finally just his shadow with one hand reaching out for...something. someone. ]
If I was a prisoner for a crime so terrible and unforgivable that I would never know freedom... If I was given a story to edit but found myself in an endless loop.
And if I had something so important to me that was trapped with me...
[ he leaves each of these as open and incomplete statements on purpose. maybe cantarella can understand where he's going with these without needing to be so direct with it, but he'll give her an end...of sorts. ]
[The production is impressive—though given his circumstances and his behavior that she can still remember, she has to wonder how much is compulsion, like the language. Didn't he say he didn't like the spotlight...?
The play is enlightening, and it asks questions that run parallel without fully intersecting with her own assumptions, somewhat like a riptide pulling by the shoreline.]
Most would say it is better to have and lose than to never have at all...In a fairytale with a moral, wouldn't that be the answer? This story seems to have stalled itself on the fear of losing again. What is the phrase...? Better the one you know?
[ lavi would smile at cantarella if he could, but since he can't, he'll just nod his head as he continues his show in lieu of giving her a proper answer. he's glad that she's following along with what he's trying to communicate.
so, here we are again with lavi with a feather pen in his hand but this time no longer sitting at a desk. this time he's surrounded by rectangular shapes floating all around him and a small-childlike form next to him; he grabs one of those rectangular shapes and begins writing on it. ]
Now, as I look between the story that I've been given to edit and to what is so important to me... I realize that there is a way to end this story.
[ he throws away the "paper" he had been writing on and picks up another and does the same thing. he does this repeatedly as he speaks. all the while, the small-childlike form rolls around him, playing with the discarded papers. ]
And so I edit, and edit, and edit, and edit but eventually the story loses meaning. So I start again and again... However, the longer I edit this story my purpose changes. What matters becomes clear.
[ all movements stop and he simply looks at the small-childlike form. ]
... After all, what's the point of a story if you aren't telling it to anyone? It may be impossible to grow tired of your favorite tale, no matter how many times you hear it.
[Does she have that right?]
And what is the point of characters within that story if they do not have a goal?
[She may have missed a step somewhere in there, pieces of the puzzle that she hasn't yet turned over the right way in her hand, but those feel like things that speak more to the why of it all.]
[ again lavi doesn't say anything directly in response to cantarella's assessments. but, given how he hasn't shook his head at her, it's probably a good sign, right?
without skipping a beat after she's done talking, lavi picks up the small-childlike form into his arms and as soon as he does this, it turns into a small bird-like-creature and immediately the bird-like-creature is surrounded by a bird cage. ]
...but this story does have a goal. The single reason to keep editing it until it reaches the end—
[ and with that lavi will begin to pull at the bars of the cage. it might be hard to translate over into a shadow silhouette but he'll exaggerate his actions to a cartoonishly difficult level. he'll pull and pull at the bars with them barely moving up until they suddenly give way and he collapses onto the "ground" with what looks like a spray of something from his chest.
now, with the bars on the cage broken, the small bird-like-creature flies away but lavi continues to lay on the "ground" unmoving. slowly shadows resembling flames appear around him and seem to "burn" him and reduce him to nothing and with that lavi ends the shadow play for cantarella.
he springs back to ""life"" and "stands" before her with hands on his hips. bye bye shadow box and all of his props. ]
[Well, at least they aren't condemned to perform as nothing more than characters in Mikaela's perpetual and never-ending storytime. There's still a cage to be destroyed and still, somewhere, a means of breaking it within the narrative...of a sort.
Well, first things first. She does applaud him, wondering if it'll make those rabbit ears pop up again.]
Your children? [She repeats, very deliberately, each word given its emphasis because each word is slightly different from the word that should be expected in its place.]
[ applauding him absolutely rewards her with a set of rabbit ears that pop up on his head as he takes a bow. he doesn't think it's worth much given that was so far from his norm and leverage on the numerous books and shows he had stitched together from his memory. ]
My children.
[ lavi repeats with the same deliberate emphasis on "my" as well as putting a hand onto his chest. this part, he feels, is the easiest to misunderstand so he hopes and prays that the next words out of his mouth reach her. may these words not get caught in his filter. ]
The ones that have been taken from me and the one most important to me.
[ and with that, he waits and hopes that his message had made it across to her. the two of them had been on the same wavelength on their impression of sika madu but the perspective needed to be adjusted a touch. ]
[She can tell it's the point that's most difficult to communicate, though she also can't help but give him a little nudge about it; the slightly electric zap from a jelly tendril poking out. Non-venomous, of course.]
Yes, I should hope the most important one is the one we all imagine. I think Don Quixote received quite a fright with that.
[Who wouldn't? To receive word from the chorus the way she did, unannounced and with information that would give anyone a bit of pause.]
Not to belabor the point, but I'd like to get it with some certainty, since it's the most slippery one, isn't it? Best not let it slide between our fingers and leap into the sea of words.
So: Most good stories have a villain. In this one, we have a villain, and perhaps...an antihero? In the story being told, is the villain exactly as He has been presented, in relation to the characters? [She never vocally capitalizes He, but she wants to be clear where Lavi cannot. The weight can stand for that.]
[ thank you cantarella for giving lavi exactly something he can use to, hopefully, narrow in on the gritty details of his true message. she has spun the perspective of this story enough for him to hopefully take it the rest of the way.
much like how she has never vocally capitalized the He, lavi never treated Him with any ounce of proper respect. until now. ]
He is not important to this story; He will watch regardless of whatever happens even though this story is being written about Him. [ lavi's voice remains even and spoken without any inflection. ] He does not care.
[ but she's right. there are villains and heroes to every story. protagonist and antagonist... however, in everything that lavi has recorded the line of who is "good" and "bad" has always depended on how its been looked at. ]
In this story, the villain is not written alongside of the other characters—a Troupe—they exist above them. [ once again lavi produces a feathered pen to his hand and begins to write in the air. ] Little by little...edits.
This villain is the one who does not care about winning or losing; they only care about the end.
Since you didn't deny it, I'll accept that those strange verses from the "chorus" really are from you. [She just wanted to be sure about that, too. It wouldn't be the first time that a voice posing as another Divine speaker reached out to its vulnerable audience.]
— By the by, I'd prefer that you didn't reach out to me with those, should you have any control over it. I've never been able to trust the whispers in my mind throughout my life, and fear I'd be suspicious of yours.
[The same way she'd been suspicious of the mythology of this place, comparing it to her own experiences. But there goes any last suspicion that what was once a caring presence that became corrupted or usurped, or that Sika Madu himself had once held that authority, with Lavi's tale.
Only indifference. Then she will give the same indifference to Father in return.]
Would you say this care can be restored, inspired? Or perhaps this meaning has already been lost to interpretation. In the play, only death was price enough to open the cage.
[ well that didn't quite go the way that lavi hoped that did but the end result is one that he'll accept. unlike the story that he has been trying to communicate, this one where the journey to get to the end is just as important as where they end up. it's why that lavi is able to somewhat drop the guise of dressing up his words to be anything other than what they are. ]
Their sins are too great to be ever be forgiven but they don't wish to be forgiven. It doesn't even matter.
[ truth, they've always spoken the truth about everything that there was to be said. however, it's always, always been about the perspective of the one who is doing the talking. ]
The only thing they want is freed— [ the consequences of lavi's actions for speaking a bit too candidly as this part of what he wanted to say has been ripped from him. at least canatrella doesn't have to guess what would have been there. lavi has been saying it in so many different ways at this point. ] —children.
[ unfortunately for lavi, he doesn't catch on that his words have been taken from him while continues to speak. still, this is far less gibberish that cantarella has to deal with compared as to other poor victims. ]
[Whether it matters or not is a quibble for another day, she thinks, but that's more than enough philosophy to pour in. Too many ingredients in a bubbling cauldron will spoil the concoction.]
And the edits... little by little, deletion? But then, if that was the only way to edit, you could simply delete everything and run to the end.
[Cantarella begins to muse, but that thought evaporates as Lavi devolves. Just as quickly as his candor came on, he's back to collapsing parable...and this one really is collapsing, adamant and saying something that twists back on itself.]
I think I lost you, dear. Tap, tap. Still with me?
Again, huh? And I thought that I was doing so well.
[ when cantarella says things are collapsing that's when lavi realizes that his attempts to work around his limitations have fallen through. though, maybe it's fine. he was able to get a lot across...even if it's a simple message.
it's just this one final piece. this insignificant but important piece of context for the rest of what he has been trying to say. ]
I wonder if it'll work if I just keep things simple—to go back to my opinion.
[ what do they say? keep it simple, stupid?? hopefully this is simple enough that it'll be fine. ]
My thoughts on Sika Madu is that they're someone who doesn't care. They've always told us the truth but what they mean and what we believe do not align.
You were. So very well, in fact. Think of how much there was to spindle into metaphor and how well you performed it.
[He shouldn't feel bad that only now, at the finish line, were there some threads still left to be tucked in. The tapestry he wove was detailed enough.
Cantarella listens to his direct and simple statement, her expression becoming slightly obscure. It's only a pause as she runs through everything she's been told and everything she knows in her mind. Oh, to have an eidetic memory, rather than simply a strong one.]
Your latest message arrived loud and clear. [Since he hasn't spoken since though, she can't help but nudge him afterward.] Hopefully at no great cost to yourself, hm?
[ oh the misery of having an eidetic memory, you mean. all of the information at his fingertips but having it all stripped from him in uneven cuts or selectively removed from the understanding of others.
either way, he's pleased to learn that returning to the more "humble" roots of his message seems to be working out. ...admittedly, cantarella is getting to experience this after lavi has spent some time realizing which words can and which can't get him into trouble. he easily brushes off her concern with a soft click of his "tongue".
so be it; if frankness is what is getting through then he'll just keep being frank. ]
Whatever the cost to me is fine as long as it spares us from being dragged into this endless and pointless acts of insanity. If someone wants to join them in that descent then that's in their right.
[ an "editor" that keeps going back to edit the same story until it reaches the end—but not just any end. the end they desire. and it's insanity, isn't it? expecting to get a different result after doing the same thing time and time again... ]
I'm not interested in being part of the collateral damage.
A fate that nearly all of us would want to reject, I should hope.
[Though she'd never assume, and she'd certainly never assume "all."]
I've played along without much regard for the "rules" until now, and perhaps along the way I'll think of another door to open. But it still needs time to brew.
... How long, in your opinion? [See what she's trying to do there? Well, it might not work, but she's playing the very razor edge of these rules, too.] Until this manuscript gets its next pass?
[ this is the funniest thing that she could have asked him in regards to this, actually, but it's fine? actually not fine because while lavi is happy that they're back on the same track on things—this question is going to give him some trouble because.
well. uhhh. hm. when he speaks again, it'll be with some agitation and mild frustration. ]
...not much time left. [ a restless tap of his foot. ] Someone...made a deal with Sika Madu.
[ a pause as lavi considers and weighs his options. all the things he could say and yet... if he could interact with the physical world, the tapping of his foot would come off as even more restless and agitated. ]
I don't know the exact details of the terms, but the Sika Madu's side of the bargain was for them to put an end to all of this early in exchange of sheltering them.
[Thumping his foot like a little rabbit... Lavi, do be careful. The ears might not go away so quickly next time.]
"Someone" who's made you rather cross with your deal...Though it's difficult to tell whether it's the someone or the deal that vexes you more.
[The irritation speaks to the former, if she's honest, but given all that Lavi is trying to prevent, well, irritation with either would be equally justified.]
What a complicated dance of death this is turning out to be. What would you call what we want to achieve, if not also "ending it early?"
[ it's fine, maybe people will find him even more loveable if he were to have those rabbit ears consistently. though, cantarella gets her answer of which likely frustrated him more whether she truly intended to or not. the tapping of his foot stops as his shadow grows in size as he loses his grip on his agitation for a brief moment. his voice tense and aggressive. ]
I think it's irresponsible to make a deal that is set up to absolutely take advantage of the things that they don't say instead of the things that they do say! There is nothing to leverage; they're preying on people with false promises and hopes.
[ despite the way he quickly snaps at cantarella, it was never about her and she isn't deserving of it, he just as quickly simmers (shrinks) down, deflates, and tries to refocus on what she's asking of him. and...well... isn't that the problem.
a problem with a difficult solution. a problem specifically for those who are still "at risk" verses those who are "safe". ]
We should want to end things on our terms and not by their's.
[It doesn't cause her to flinch or recoil when he rises up, dark and terrifying against the backdrop of the opposite egg. Lavi doesn't seem to ever get angry.
That's right, she remembers, through a fog. He hadn't even seemed that angry when he was bitten...and then, of course, he'd darted away.]
It's fascinating. I don't think I've heard you stall out once since you started speaking so directly. Of course, it makes sense. That's indifference at play, isn't it? [Only certain, rather self-centered things, seem the most off-limits.]
...If the terms of the deal are as lopsided and ill-defined as your estimation of them sounds, it's probably come from someone well-intentioned but who doesn't normally make them. [She'd lose her title if she tried to cut such a deal.] ...And put us in quite a bind.
[ it's very kind of cantarella for not getting upset with him when he blew up on her; he would have accepted any sort of chiding from her for taking out his aggression on someone who didn't deserve it—however brief it was.
but he also realizes that his words make it through when he speaks more directly about certain topics. it's still hard to say what about it that allows his words to go through. ]
It does. [ he lets out a long sigh (despite not having anymore lungs or a need to). ] I can't fault them for making the deal when they did with the knowledge that they had even if I wanted to. I wouldn't have done the same, but I'm not like them.
[ his shadow will run a hand through his "hair" and ruffle it as he grumbles in discontent before a response. ]
I don't know what's the best way to move forward from here when we're at this much of a disadvantage. [ ... ] I certainly have no desire to work against the person who made that contract.
Then it sounds like you believe their intentions are still pure.
[If he doesn't want to work against them, then his anger must not be enough to destroy that bond, either.]
But I will not lie down and burn, either. So... I'll go back to a question I've been asking myself since that very first week--if it is possible to interrupt the flow somehow, unbind the wheel.
You have your own lens to look through, so I must have my own here, too, right? In these few days we have remaining to us, what should I look for? [That seems structured in a way that's answerable for the shadow, since it doesn't ask for the forbidden knowledge, just...the perspective she will need to assume.]
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[Even if Lavi is already gone, she's sharing a little bit about herself in a way that she hasn't really with him before, in a way that seems like a slightly deeper layer, even if it isn't very detailed. Maybe it also helps to established how resonantly (and terribly, uncomfortably) familiar some of this is to her.]
How grotesque to be living one of someone else's fantasies...but perhaps that works, as a shared language?
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Aren't most fairytales and rhymes dressed up ways to tell children what they should and shouldn't do or what happens to bad kids if they didn't listen anyway?
[ which...probably isn't the right thing to say but he'll quickly move beyond that with what is more important to all parties involved. ]
I'll do my best to make sure that we don't have to spent too much time talking around circles or digging up painful memories. Should we start at the part where our feelings differ?
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We wrote our own. And it's all right. I'd almost prefer that you did because you would be capable of doing so. [But he is not, her words imply, which should be explanation enough.]
So please, there's no need to worry about causing me grief. Let's begin.
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on the stage will be lavi himself as he changes into various "costumes" to represent the parts of the "story" he lays out for her. his shadow chained to a large ball behind bars to represent the prisoner, his shadow suddenly sitting at a desk with a feather pen scribbling on a desk, and finally just his shadow with one hand reaching out for...something. someone. ]
If I was a prisoner for a crime so terrible and unforgivable that I would never know freedom... If I was given a story to edit but found myself in an endless loop.
And if I had something so important to me that was trapped with me...
[ he leaves each of these as open and incomplete statements on purpose. maybe cantarella can understand where he's going with these without needing to be so direct with it, but he'll give her an end...of sorts. ]
At what point would it all of it still matter?
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The play is enlightening, and it asks questions that run parallel without fully intersecting with her own assumptions, somewhat like a riptide pulling by the shoreline.]
Most would say it is better to have and lose than to never have at all...In a fairytale with a moral, wouldn't that be the answer? This story seems to have stalled itself on the fear of losing again. What is the phrase...? Better the one you know?
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so, here we are again with lavi with a feather pen in his hand but this time no longer sitting at a desk. this time he's surrounded by rectangular shapes floating all around him and a small-childlike form next to him; he grabs one of those rectangular shapes and begins writing on it. ]
Now, as I look between the story that I've been given to edit and to what is so important to me... I realize that there is a way to end this story.
[ he throws away the "paper" he had been writing on and picks up another and does the same thing. he does this repeatedly as he speaks. all the while, the small-childlike form rolls around him, playing with the discarded papers. ]
And so I edit, and edit, and edit, and edit but eventually the story loses meaning. So I start again and again... However, the longer I edit this story my purpose changes. What matters becomes clear.
[ all movements stop and he simply looks at the small-childlike form. ]
no subject
[Does she have that right?]
And what is the point of characters within that story if they do not have a goal?
[She may have missed a step somewhere in there, pieces of the puzzle that she hasn't yet turned over the right way in her hand, but those feel like things that speak more to the why of it all.]
no subject
without skipping a beat after she's done talking, lavi picks up the small-childlike form into his arms and as soon as he does this, it turns into a small bird-like-creature and immediately the bird-like-creature is surrounded by a bird cage. ]
...but this story does have a goal. The single reason to keep editing it until it reaches the end—
[ and with that lavi will begin to pull at the bars of the cage. it might be hard to translate over into a shadow silhouette but he'll exaggerate his actions to a cartoonishly difficult level. he'll pull and pull at the bars with them barely moving up until they suddenly give way and he collapses onto the "ground" with what looks like a spray of something from his chest.
now, with the bars on the cage broken, the small bird-like-creature flies away but lavi continues to lay on the "ground" unmoving. slowly shadows resembling flames appear around him and seem to "burn" him and reduce him to nothing and with that lavi ends the shadow play for cantarella.
he springs back to ""life"" and "stands" before her with hands on his hips. bye bye shadow box and all of his props. ]
My children.
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Well, first things first. She does applaud him, wondering if it'll make those rabbit ears pop up again.]
Your children? [She repeats, very deliberately, each word given its emphasis because each word is slightly different from the word that should be expected in its place.]
And only yours, all of them?
no subject
My children.
[ lavi repeats with the same deliberate emphasis on "my" as well as putting a hand onto his chest. this part, he feels, is the easiest to misunderstand so he hopes and prays that the next words out of his mouth reach her. may these words not get caught in his filter. ]
The ones that have been taken from me and the one most important to me.
[ and with that, he waits and hopes that his message had made it across to her. the two of them had been on the same wavelength on their impression of sika madu but the perspective needed to be adjusted a touch. ]
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Yes, I should hope the most important one is the one we all imagine. I think Don Quixote received quite a fright with that.
[Who wouldn't? To receive word from the chorus the way she did, unannounced and with information that would give anyone a bit of pause.]
Not to belabor the point, but I'd like to get it with some certainty, since it's the most slippery one, isn't it? Best not let it slide between our fingers and leap into the sea of words.
So: Most good stories have a villain. In this one, we have a villain, and perhaps...an antihero? In the story being told, is the villain exactly as He has been presented, in relation to the characters? [She never vocally capitalizes He, but she wants to be clear where Lavi cannot. The weight can stand for that.]
no subject
much like how she has never vocally capitalized the He, lavi never treated Him with any ounce of proper respect. until now. ]
He is not important to this story; He will watch regardless of whatever happens even though this story is being written about Him. [ lavi's voice remains even and spoken without any inflection. ] He does not care.
[ but she's right. there are villains and heroes to every story. protagonist and antagonist... however, in everything that lavi has recorded the line of who is "good" and "bad" has always depended on how its been looked at. ]
In this story, the villain is not written alongside of the other characters—a Troupe—they exist above them. [ once again lavi produces a feathered pen to his hand and begins to write in the air. ] Little by little...edits.
This villain is the one who does not care about winning or losing; they only care about the end.
no subject
— By the by, I'd prefer that you didn't reach out to me with those, should you have any control over it. I've never been able to trust the whispers in my mind throughout my life, and fear I'd be suspicious of yours.
[The same way she'd been suspicious of the mythology of this place, comparing it to her own experiences. But there goes any last suspicion that what was once a caring presence that became corrupted or usurped, or that Sika Madu himself had once held that authority, with Lavi's tale.
Only indifference. Then she will give the same indifference to Father in return.]
Would you say this care can be restored, inspired? Or perhaps this meaning has already been lost to interpretation. In the play, only death was price enough to open the cage.
no subject
Their sins are too great to be ever be forgiven but they don't wish to be forgiven. It doesn't even matter.
[ truth, they've always spoken the truth about everything that there was to be said. however, it's always, always been about the perspective of the one who is doing the talking. ]
The only thing they want is freed— [ the consequences of lavi's actions for speaking a bit too candidly as this part of what he wanted to say has been ripped from him. at least canatrella doesn't have to guess what would have been there. lavi has been saying it in so many different ways at this point. ] —children.
[ unfortunately for lavi, he doesn't catch on that his words have been taken from him while continues to speak. still, this is far less gibberish that cantarella has to deal with compared as to other poor victims. ]
—that's only what has only ever mattered.
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And the edits... little by little, deletion? But then, if that was the only way to edit, you could simply delete everything and run to the end.
[Cantarella begins to muse, but that thought evaporates as Lavi devolves. Just as quickly as his candor came on, he's back to collapsing parable...and this one really is collapsing, adamant and saying something that twists back on itself.]
I think I lost you, dear. Tap, tap. Still with me?
no subject
[ when cantarella says things are collapsing that's when lavi realizes that his attempts to work around his limitations have fallen through. though, maybe it's fine. he was able to get a lot across...even if it's a simple message.
it's just this one final piece. this insignificant but important piece of context for the rest of what he has been trying to say. ]
I wonder if it'll work if I just keep things simple—to go back to my opinion.
[ what do they say? keep it simple, stupid?? hopefully this is simple enough that it'll be fine. ]
My thoughts on Sika Madu is that they're someone who doesn't care. They've always told us the truth but what they mean and what we believe do not align.
no subject
[He shouldn't feel bad that only now, at the finish line, were there some threads still left to be tucked in. The tapestry he wove was detailed enough.
Cantarella listens to his direct and simple statement, her expression becoming slightly obscure. It's only a pause as she runs through everything she's been told and everything she knows in her mind. Oh, to have an eidetic memory, rather than simply a strong one.]
Your latest message arrived loud and clear. [Since he hasn't spoken since though, she can't help but nudge him afterward.] Hopefully at no great cost to yourself, hm?
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either way, he's pleased to learn that returning to the more "humble" roots of his message seems to be working out. ...admittedly, cantarella is getting to experience this after lavi has spent some time realizing which words can and which can't get him into trouble. he easily brushes off her concern with a soft click of his "tongue".
so be it; if frankness is what is getting through then he'll just keep being frank. ]
Whatever the cost to me is fine as long as it spares us from being dragged into this endless and pointless acts of insanity. If someone wants to join them in that descent then that's in their right.
[ an "editor" that keeps going back to edit the same story until it reaches the end—but not just any end. the end they desire. and it's insanity, isn't it? expecting to get a different result after doing the same thing time and time again... ]
I'm not interested in being part of the collateral damage.
no subject
[Though she'd never assume, and she'd certainly never assume "all."]
I've played along without much regard for the "rules" until now, and perhaps along the way I'll think of another door to open. But it still needs time to brew.
... How long, in your opinion? [See what she's trying to do there? Well, it might not work, but she's playing the very razor edge of these rules, too.] Until this manuscript gets its next pass?
no subject
well. uhhh. hm. when he speaks again, it'll be with some agitation and mild frustration. ]
...not much time left. [ a restless tap of his foot. ] Someone...made a deal with Sika Madu.
[ a pause as lavi considers and weighs his options. all the things he could say and yet... if he could interact with the physical world, the tapping of his foot would come off as even more restless and agitated. ]
I don't know the exact details of the terms, but the Sika Madu's side of the bargain was for them to put an end to all of this early in exchange of sheltering them.
no subject
"Someone" who's made you rather cross with your deal...Though it's difficult to tell whether it's the someone or the deal that vexes you more.
[The irritation speaks to the former, if she's honest, but given all that Lavi is trying to prevent, well, irritation with either would be equally justified.]
What a complicated dance of death this is turning out to be. What would you call what we want to achieve, if not also "ending it early?"
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I think it's irresponsible to make a deal that is set up to absolutely take advantage of the things that they don't say instead of the things that they do say! There is nothing to leverage; they're preying on people with false promises and hopes.
[ despite the way he quickly snaps at cantarella, it was never about her and she isn't deserving of it, he just as quickly simmers (shrinks) down, deflates, and tries to refocus on what she's asking of him. and...well... isn't that the problem.
a problem with a difficult solution. a problem specifically for those who are still "at risk" verses those who are "safe". ]
We should want to end things on our terms and not by their's.
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That's right, she remembers, through a fog. He hadn't even seemed that angry when he was bitten...and then, of course, he'd darted away.]
It's fascinating. I don't think I've heard you stall out once since you started speaking so directly. Of course, it makes sense. That's indifference at play, isn't it? [Only certain, rather self-centered things, seem the most off-limits.]
...If the terms of the deal are as lopsided and ill-defined as your estimation of them sounds, it's probably come from someone well-intentioned but who doesn't normally make them. [She'd lose her title if she tried to cut such a deal.] ...And put us in quite a bind.
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but he also realizes that his words make it through when he speaks more directly about certain topics. it's still hard to say what about it that allows his words to go through. ]
It does. [ he lets out a long sigh (despite not having anymore lungs or a need to). ] I can't fault them for making the deal when they did with the knowledge that they had even if I wanted to. I wouldn't have done the same, but I'm not like them.
[ his shadow will run a hand through his "hair" and ruffle it as he grumbles in discontent before a response. ]
I don't know what's the best way to move forward from here when we're at this much of a disadvantage. [ ... ] I certainly have no desire to work against the person who made that contract.
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[If he doesn't want to work against them, then his anger must not be enough to destroy that bond, either.]
But I will not lie down and burn, either. So... I'll go back to a question I've been asking myself since that very first week--if it is possible to interrupt the flow somehow, unbind the wheel.
You have your own lens to look through, so I must have my own here, too, right? In these few days we have remaining to us, what should I look for? [That seems structured in a way that's answerable for the shadow, since it doesn't ask for the forbidden knowledge, just...the perspective she will need to assume.]
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the way this week sort of feels the way lavi predicted because of everyone losing it
PLEASE NOT LIKE THIS